To quote Joe Rogan:

Wow, I never imagined having a reason to say that. Anyway…
You know the anti-marijuana TV ad they play now where the dog is telling the girl that he doesn’t like it when she smokes weed? Here’s what Joe Rogan has to say about that commercial. I found it to be pretty hilarious.
I ripped the [...]

Amber Alert

A friend of mine sent this in, so I thought I’d share. We go way back, but haven’t seen each other for years.
Anyway, it’s a dream she had. It’s fantastic. I’m going to paste it unedited:
So…I had a crazy dream about you, and I thought I would share.
We were in NY and you were trying [...]

Giraffes Are Gangsta!

From the “Things You Didn’t Know” department:
Sometimes, Giraffes fight. Each other.
Giraffe fight!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7HCIGFdBt8
And you didn’t believe me. Tsk, tsk.

What Have I Become?

Okay, damnit. I haven’t posted on my blog since February.
Right when I came back, I checked my traffic stats as any good blogger would.
We have a problem… besides the stunning lack of traffic. What’s the problem?
Do me a favor. Run a google search for “pooping grannies”. What’s the first result?
Yep, thanks to this post, [...]

This Really Happens

A story from work the other night:
Sometimes I work nights as a poker dealer. My boss’s name is Mike.
Me: Hey, Mike! C’mere for a second.
Boss: Yeah?
Me: Who’s the new girl?
Boss: Which one?
Me: The hot one setting up that blackjack table.
Boss: Which one?
Me: The one in the corner.
Boss: That’s my daughter…
Me: (silent)
Boss: …and she’s sixteen.
Me: [...]

A Letter From Oklahoma:

I am currently in Oklahoma visiting my family for the holidays, a far cry from my home in NYC.
The following is an exact quote directed towards me from one of my darling twin nieces, eleven years old:
“The land you live on may be worth ten million dollars, but the land I live on is worth [...]

MySpace: Telling It Like It Is

[UPDATE: Bianca has responded in the comments section of this post.]As some of you may have seen, I recently found it necessary to put a stop to some atrocious MySpace behavior.
My lovely friend Bianca has a little monkey on her back called “the myspace bulletin”. I swear to god that this chick posts no less [...]

The Messed Up-est Thing I’ve Ever Seen

At long last, Warren’s guest post:I don’t know about you, but I moved to New York to see fucked up shit.
And like most mid-westerners who moved here in the Guiliani era, I was immediately and extremely disappointed. I got over it though, and fell into a normal routine, spending my weekends drinking in the same [...]

Our Nations Young(er) People

I was reading random blogs today and leaving weird/funny/chastising comments whenever applicable.
After wading through hours and pages of inane bullshit I finally found a post on a 12-year-old girl’s blog that I wanted to unload on.(no inuendo here)
Anyway, believe it or not, I’m not a total asshole so I left the poor girl alone.
It was [...]

Low Brow Brown Cow

I’m scraping the bottom of the blog barrel today in search of the lowest common denominator.
I don’t think it gets much lower than this:
My girlfriend told me specifically not to write about this, so of course it’s the first thing I do this morning.
Oh yeah, bring it on.
So my girlfriend started on a new diet [...]

Oh, The Humanity

I will be reading about the Seattle Craigslist debacle all day today.
It doesn’t get any better than this, folks.
Some guy named Jason in Seattle put up a fake Craigslist ad posing as a woman looking for some weird sex stuff with a man.
A couple hundred guys responded to Jason’s fake ad with pictures of themselves(some [...]

Global Warming: Explained By Some Jerk Who Has No Idea What He’s Talking About.

Forget everything you’ve ever heard about the causes of global warming.
Hole in the ozone? EPA? My ass.
I don’t know anything about this subject, but the following is common sense if you have a middle-school education.
This is my well uninformed opinion–
Omitting several technicalities:1)Gravity exists.
2)Earth is within the Sun’s gravitational pull, thus Earth is always moving closer [...]

I Always Miss the Good Stuff

How does this happen? I don’t get it.
I spent the first 19 years of my life in a part of the Midwest called Tornado Alley. Tornadoes are a dime a fucking dozen down there. I never actually saw one though. Several tornadoes a year for nearly twenty years and I never ever got to see [...]

Fourth of July

Re: The Declaration of Independene
Dear Britain:
Ha!
Best regards,
Ryan

Airport Secrets

*This is a granite-rough-draft of a post that I want to publish within the next week. I just jotted down some thoughts. I will revise this and bring it up to standard. Maybe it will be interesting to compare the draft with the final product.
I hate flying because I like to smoke and drink.
I [...]

Natural Selection

This is an excerpt from a story that was in the news today. Some people are really fucking stupid:
“Officials say that 6-foot-3, 240-pound Mark Stetson (pictured on right) Monday afternoon became embroiled in a heated religious debate with another man at a small strip mall near the campus of Southern Connecticut State University. Stetson, who [...]

Dear Malaysia: Are you retarded?

Below is an excerpt from an article that ran on Reuters yesterday. This is fucking asinine:
BANGI, Malaysia (Reuters) – As Malaysia prepares to pick its first astronaut, the country’s space agency is hunting for solutions to the problems it expects devout Muslims to face while in orbit, such as in which direction to pray.One of [...]