Romantic Vacation Cancelled: Instead, IHOP

My girlfriend had been talking about taking a mini vacation. The plan was to walk across the George Washington Bride to spend a nice weekend at the Fort Lee Hilton (now Doubletree). They have good restaurants, a fitness center, heated indoor pool, a nice lounge, excellent mattresses, etc. Oh, and a bar. Very important.
While discussing [...]

Class Distinction

Sunday afternoon, I went to the deli to grab some Gatorade. I was in a wicked bad mood after having just received a phone call informing me that I had been fired from my job because of this blog. There was a guy behind me in line at the deli who was dressed in all [...]

Movin’ On Up

Like Gershwin, things are looking up.
There is an old-time gambling legend that lives in Texas, a man named Amarillo Slim. Amarillo Slim used to brag that he was so famous that you could send a letter from anywhere in the country addressed only to “Amarillo Slim in Texas” and the letter would find him. Tall [...]

Happy Holidays

“Twas the week before Christmas when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.”
… because I smashed that bitch with my shoe right on the counter top and put it straight through the garbage disposal just to send a message to all his other mouse buddies who might have the [...]

No, assholes. NOW it’s personal!

Another tale from Washington Heights, NYC (the land of no-speak-y-english):
My neighborhood in NYC is populated about 99% by varying degrees of immigrants from The Dominican Republic. I love my neighborhood, but I would be lying if I said that the folks in my neighborhood didn’t occasionally make me want to pull my hair out.
As [...]

The Ties That Bind

For some reason I woke up wicked early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep.
It’s Saturday and I woke up bright eyed at 7:30am.
Unacceptable.
I went into the kitchen to retrieve my lighter that I had left on the stove the night before so I could smoke my good morning cigarette.
I heard the [...]

I Always Miss the Good Stuff

How does this happen? I don’t get it.
I spent the first 19 years of my life in a part of the Midwest called Tornado Alley. Tornadoes are a dime a fucking dozen down there. I never actually saw one though. Several tornadoes a year for nearly twenty years and I never ever got to see [...]

Immigration problem? Gee, I haven’t noticed.

My air mattress sprung a big ass leak last night.
I live in a primarily Dominican neighborhood in NYC and I am, on many levels, your average American white guy who speaks very little Spanish.
That being said:
I walked into a hardware store in my neighborhood today and was greeted by a pleasent and eager fellow.
Fellow: [...]