Corky-1, Ryan-0

I’m walking down Third Ave. on my lunch break, heading to the bank, when I see a big guy walking towards me who is swinging one arm rather enthusiastically with each step. With the sidewalk crowded, it becomes obvious that I’m going to have to walk right by this guy, building on one side, him on the other. I don’t think anything of it as we see weirder shit than this everyday in New York, enough to where a guy swinging his arm doesn’t qualify in the least as weird.

The guy gets closer and I just naturally assume when we pass each other he will curtail the over-the-top arm gymnastics.

But no.

POW! Right in the face! My $80 Puma sunglasses (which I got for $25 at Century 21)break and fall to the ground and I immediately respond quite reasonably with,

“Dude, what are you fucking retarded?!”

I take my eyes off my broken sunglasses on the ground to look the guy in the face, when my question is quickly answered.

Yes. He is very much retarded.

My bad, son.


13 Responses

  1. I nearly snorted my diet peach snapple out of my nose reading this.

    You’re most definitely going to hell, Ryan.

    xoxo – Z.

  2. Yeah, the people around me weren’t very impressed.

  3. I had a similar experience years ago. Walking down Madison a guy approached me, looked right in my face and said, “Have a semi circle day, fatty.” Don’t think I said ‘dude’ but I definitely said the rest and indeed, he was retarded. Don’t sweat it. He probably knows he is retarded already.

  4. HAHAHA! I can relate since I used to run into retards daily! There was a retarded home near my uni. Read this:

  5. there sure are a lot of folks who read blogs while chugging a snapple. in fact, you’d be hard-pressed to find any blog anywhere that DOESN’T have at least a dozen comments from someone who just suffered a hilarity-induced, snapple-spraying nose snort and felt compelled to tell the world about it. the only variable is what flavor. kudos to snapple for their ingenious viral marketing campaign!

  6. we have had problems with calling people names that they turn out to be for a long time. For example we called our parents mom and dad and it was HARSH when we found out they were actually our parents!

    (funny post – we hope you said sorry and will tell the story to get free drinks from hot chicks)

    donnie and sally

  7. Snapple is the new Red Bull.

  8. lol!! you know, sometimes, when i see big arm-swingers, i get so irritated that i purposely walk just a smidgen close so they’ll inevitably hit me and then i can get pissed at them.


  10. I’m new to your blog and I’m glad I stopped by — this is fuckin’ hilarious.

  11. Sounds like you deserve a tinsel hat.


    Thanks for the laugh!

  13. You know what that retarded guy was thinking right before he smacked you?

    “I’m totally going to punch this dumbass in the face, in broad daylight, for no reason. Then he’s not going to do shit about it, because I’m retarded. Sweet.”

    He’s going to hell too.

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