Dear My Subconscious:
You are going too far.
Your latest dream made me very uncomfortable.
I understand that when I am asleep you have a specific purpose in mind when you impose a dream upon me. I understand that this is your own special way of sorting things out and that’s cool, but I really don’t see what you were getting at with your latest contribution.
Why the fuck did you have me spend my entire eight hours of sleep competing against The Cookie Monster for the affection of Mary-Kate Olsen?
I mean, what?
I… I honestly don’t know where to begin to address this.
I don’t care one iota about Mary-Kate Olsen, do I?
If I do, why is The Cookie Monster my main competition?
I’m not getting your hint, Subconscious, please clarify.
In the future, unless your directive is crystal clear, I would appreciate not dreaming about Mary-Kate Olsen or The Cookie Monster, or competing against one for the other.
Thanks in advance,
Your Conscious Counterpart