The Peeing Man: I Got A Picture

As discussed in the previous entry, I am having a problem with a man in my apartment building who insists upon urinating out of his bedroom window, which shares a common ventilation shaft with my bedroom window.

Today is your lucky day ladies and gentlemen. Wait for it… wait for it…

I got a picture. (probably SFW, no promises)

You’ll see that I was able to isolate the portion of the image with the man in his window. I blew it up, adjusted some basic levels and contrast and was able to salvage an almost discernible image of the man.

Wherein I Ask For Your Advice, Dear Reader

There is a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment building. The way the apartments are laid out, our bedrooms share a common ventilation shaft.

I have seen this man, late at night, completely naked, pissing out of his bedroom window into the shared ventilation shaft. I have seen this man do this exactly three times. For several obvious reasons, I want him to fucking stop that shit.

There are so many amazing ways in which one could handle this situation, I can’t pick just one. I tried to get pictures the last time I caught him but I didn’t lift the screen on my window, so the pictures didn’t come out.

I think the right way to handle it is to simply approach him, man to man, and just tell him to stop. If he tries to deny it, just inform him that if it happens again, the building super will be informed. End of story.

However, as you might have guessed, I’m not really interested in “the right thing to do” in this situation. The man been making me breath his pee-fumes for christ’s sake.

So. How do we do this? Think big.

Another tale of inappropriate urination practice.

The upcoming video game “Limbo” looks like a breath of fresh air.
Watch the teaser.

Happy Birthday To Me!

 

I accept birthday gifts in the following forms:

______________

______________

Thanks in advance. E-mail me at Ryan@PissedAndPetty.com for my shipping address.

*Please provide proper documentation and care instructions for any Albino Ball Pythons.
**Please properly seal any White Rhinos and sink in a shampoo bottle to avoid customs detection.

Your 59/50 Hat: Why The Sticker?

Take that stupid sticker off of your hat. You look ridiculous.

I work in advertising and marketing for major entertainment entities (TV, Film, Radio, etc.) in NYC. It is my job to wear a suit to work in order to dissect patterns of thought relating to modern trends among various demographics and advise companies on how best to exploit utilize these findings to maximize profit, more or less.

Regardless of my suit or my Welsh/German ancestry, many savvy parties have found it appropriate to pick my brain in regards to several various urban marketing strategies. My clients’ feedback and results indicate that I might actually know what I’m talking about. Fuck, I mean, I did stare Ice-T square in his face while he was rollin’ dirty and he didn’t even try to front.
.

Now that I have sufficiently qualified myself as a man who skips stones across cultural barriers while blindfolded, I feel comfortable admitting that I, in fact, do not know everything about urban culture. Following is a question which has been torturing me for at least five years. I have been asked this exact question by exactly two of my clients:

“Why do urban youth keep the stickers and tags on their hats? Is this something we can use?”

The truth: I have no fucking clue.

What I actually said: “Do you know the Outkast track ‘So Fresh, So Clean’? It’s like that. The freshness of the sticker on a man’s hat is intended to directly reflect a man’s financial security. The freshness of a sticker on a hat has a short shelf life. If a man is consistently seen among his peers with a fresh sticker on his hat, the man is assumed to be financially secure, as he can obviously afford to buy many many hats. This elevates a man’s status among his peers.”

My clients nod maniacally with wide eyes, drooling like they’ve just smelled meat for the first time.

“So, we can really capitalize on this market, right?” they ask.

“Sure,” I said “if you don’t mind your target market paying you with stacks of less-than-fresh stickers attached to perfectly good hats.”

-seriously though, does anyone really know
what the deal is with the stickers on the hats?

[UPDATE: I just found out that the stickers are left on the hat to prove that the hat is genuine, and not a knock off. How fucking stupid is that?]

[UPDATE: Depending on which idiot you ask, there are several other reasons for this.  If I were to repeat these reasons, I am certain that my brain would instantly die. Do your own research.]

NY State Tax Refund, Anyone?

Rumor is, in order to make cash flow look better, NY State is holding out issuing tax refunds until after their fiscal year, ending March 31st. Today is the day after that day.

Has anyone received their NY State tax refund yet? `Cause I haven’t and I kinda need it, like, right now.

(my landlord totally agrees. he is looking over my shoulder as I write this, violently nodding his head and yelling things in a language which I do not understand.)

UPDATE: The NY State tax website now says,

“Your tax return has been processed. A direct deposit of your refund will be initiated on April 15, 2008.”

On my birthday! I have to admit, that’s pretty cool. Yes, my birthday is on tax day. All your tax refunds are belong to me.