The Peeing Man: The Confrontation

I finally confronted The Peeing Man in my apartment building.

I’d passed on several opportunities to confront him previously, usually because there were other people around or whatever. Today, we rode the elevator up to the fourth floor together. Just him and me.

This is it. This was my chance.

I was apprehensive about confronting him in the elevator because if something went wrong, I would rather not be locked in a steel box with a fat man who pees on things at will.

I waited until we reached our floor. Before we turned our separate ways to our apartments, I said, “Excuse me, sir?”

He grunted and half-turned to look at me over his shoulder.

“I need to speak with you for second,” I continued.

He grunted again and turned fully to face me. He looked half asleep.

“This is weird for me say, but… You have to stop peeing out of your window.”

His eyes instantly shot wide open, he went flush and started sweating even more than he already was. He just stared at me in shock.

“Do you understand what I’m saying? Don’t pee out of you window. If you stop now, this won’t go any further than you and me (and the internet). Please do not pee out of your window any more. Do you understand?”

He just kept nodding. He was completely mortified.

“Okay, then. We have a deal. Don’t pee out of your window anymore, and this will stay between us. Got it?”

More nodding.

“Ok, then. We’re understood. Don’t pee out of your window. Have a nice day.”

And that was it. We both turned and went about our business.

I think I delivered a clear and unmistakable message but to be honest, I kind of hope he does it again so I can pull out the picture wherein I caught him in the act, or maybe I’ll shoot him in the dick with my BB-Gun.


6 Responses

  1. Congratulations.

  2. Gotta love the wide-eyed look of shame!

  3. i can only hope he doesn’t start pooing.

    i worry about these things.

  4. Oh to be a fly on the wall for this one…

  5. You are my hero!

  6. I would have smacked you in the goddamn face or farted in your mouth.

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