Now This Is Good Advertising

I took this picture on the Upper West Side a few weeks ago.

(Click image to enlarge)

Blank Slate

Your Telephone Procedures: They Are Incorrect

I loath when people do following:

*my cell phone rings*

Me: Hello?

Idiot: Who’s this?

Me: You called me. Who is this?

Idiot: *click*

If you are one of these idiots, you need to revise your procedures.

When telephoning someone, it is imperative that you identify yourself at the very beginning of the conversation. You may then choose to name the party with whom you wish to speak or the reason for your call.

For example:

Me: Hello, this is calling. May I please speak with the idiot who just called me and hung up. I would like to speak with them for a moment in regards to their abysmal telephone etiquette. Thank you.

Don’t be an idiot.

Back On The Scene, Know What I Mean?

Today is a good day to be on my blogroll. picked up one of my stories (a guest post, actually) and I’ve already gotten over 5,000 hits today, before noon. Enjoy until the milk runs out, pups.

Do What I Say

I found a blog today that is all about people writing stories in exactly six sentences. There, I found one of the best (see: like a punch in the gut) pieces of writing I have read since I can remember, and it’s only six sentences long.

Take a moment to check out Blind Date by Quin, seriously.

Do what I say.

UPDATE: I just realized the post directly below this one is six sentences long, so I’m going to submit it.

Anybody Home?

I’m working an awesome temp job this week, but I’m a little worried about the guy I’m filling in for. First of all, he is taking the week off because his mother died. That is sad. I will not joke about that.


The sticky note that is stuck to his monitor that reads,
makes me think that that claim may not be so true.

Holy Hangover, Batman!

I was in a particularly foul mood this morning for my subway commute as I had a scorching hangover. Certainly, I was in no mood for the overzealous subway preacher than entered my car and began to scream about some nonsense regarding how he used to be a crackhead and the lord saved his life, blah blah blah.

Usually I just shake my head in disbelief that anyone would be silly enough to buy into this garbage, let alone wake up at ass-o’clock in the morning to not only admit to people that they buy into it, but actually try to convince other people to buy into it too. Unbelieveable. Anyway, this morning, I was not in the mood to pacify this moron.

I decided since he was considerate enough to force me to listen to his convictions at the crack of dawn while I’m trying to sleep on the train, it would only be fair that I let him in on some of my beliefs. Here are some choice excerpts. Everything I said was perfectly audible to anyone on the train, especially him. No matter what I said, or how loudly I said it, he completely ignored me and kept on preaching. I guess God blessed him with selective hearing as well.

Subway Preacher: I know you can’t tell, but I used to be a crackhead.
Me: Actually, I can tell.

Subway Preacher: God wants you to praise his name from our lips.
Me: No, God wants you to stop shouting at people at eight o’clock in the morning.

Subway Preacher: Like I said, I used to be a crackhead.
Me: Like I said, I can tell.

The woman sitting next to me was really offended by my comments.

Thank God.

I’m Fired.

It is official. I have been fired from a great job because of this blog.

I have been working for a nameless worldwide intelligence and investigation firm for the past couple weeks. They specialize in white-collar crime intelligence/investigation and business security. If I told you who they were, I’d have to kill you.

12:00p, Friday:

I checked my blog stats and found that I had received several hits from within my company, from a computer that was not mine. They came to my blog through a link on my myspace page. I had told no one about the existence of either website. Almost immediately, strange things started happening.

Due to the nature of this company’s work, I began to get a little nervous that these hits were coming from inside the company. I tried to put it out of my mind and began to gather my notes and whatnot. I was due to cover the executive desks support team as they were leaving town/going to lunch, respectively, at 12:45p.

12:30p, Friday:

My immediate supervisor approached me and told that the executive desks were unusually busy this day, and that someone with a little more experience would be covering the desks because the CEO had just returned from a long business trip, and that I could “just hang out” for a while.

I have a finely tuned bullshit detector, and this didn’t sit right with me. No one had ever expressed doubt that I could handle anything and everything that was thrown at me. In fact, quite the contrary.

2:00p, Friday:

Throughout the day, my day-to-day work that is usually routed across my desk, slowly stopped coming. Combine this with the internal hits on my blog, and the weirdness surrounding the executive desks, and I started to get paranoid. These events may not seem so strange to the reader, but I had a feeling that something wasn’t right. It’s hard to explain. After seeing what this company is capable of, it’s easy to start triple guessing yourself about the simplest things. You have to understand that you are working with spies. Actual spies. Sure I was being paranoid.

5:30p, Friday:

As my boss had instructed, I was “just hanging out” at my desk. It was the end of the day and I was responding to some personal e-mails, reading, when my supervisor approached me and told me I could leave for the day. He spoke to me in a manner that was inconsistent with previous conversations.

I left the office to go to a friend’s birthday party.

8:00p, Friday:

That night, I mentioned these events to some friends, but the unanimous decision was that I was just being paranoid. Everyone agreed to think I might have slight reason to be concerned, due to the nature of the company’s work, but that I really shouldn’t worry.


11:30a, Sunday:

I received a call from the agency that had placed me in the position. They told me that my contract had been terminated and I was not to report to work Monday morning.


This was particularly hurtful to me because I really liked the work I was doing for this company, and I put everything I had into it. It was a new industry for me, and I found myself riveted by their work. I spent my non-working hours reading anything I could get my hands on in order to educate myself about their business and industry. During work hours, when I didn’t have an assignment, I would research company materials and closed case files to further familiarize myself. I really liked all the people I worked with, and I feel I was well liked in return.

I could maybe understand that due to the nature of the company’s business, after reading some of the material on my blog, no matter how good an employee I was, that they just weren’t willing to take the risk. “What risk?” you ask. I don’t know. I suppose that they simply aren’t in the business of taking chances.

In the long run, I believe that I would have been an invaluable asset to this company. I feel they have made a mistake in their decision to terminate my contract due to my blog.

Footnote: This author believes it is fair for the company to formally acknowledge to the author’s employing agent that his termination was do to circumstances not relating to his job performance, and in fact, quite the contrary.