Around midnight, I was waiting for an A train at 145th St., when I saw something that made me sad. Well, I’m kind of always sad, but this made me a little sadder. I saw this poor little train sitting in the station, crying. Just sitting there, bawling its poor little train eyes out.
Little Known Fact: Trains’ tear ducts are located in their once frozen, but now melting air conditioning units.
I tried not to stare at the train. I didn’t want to make an awkward situation more awkward. I figured that the train was just having a bad day and needed a few minutes to cry it out. No problem, we’ve all been there.
I turned to the guy standing next to me on the platform and asked,
“Why do you think that train is crying?”
The guy turned around and walked away from me quickly. I guess he didn’t know why the train was crying. I was still very curious.
I put on my sunglasses so I could watch the train more closely without it knowing I was doing so. Suddenly, I became very alarmed.
This train is trying to commit suicide.
The train’s tears are streaming down its cheeks directly into its on-board high-voltage transformer box, which is becoming filled with water, and in turn, leaking directly onto the live third rail.
I couldn’t bare to watch.
I took a cab for the 12 blocks home and demanded to pay with my credit card.
You should be ashamed of yourselves, MTA.