NBC’s “2008 Olympics/Mummy 3” Cross-Promotion Is Appalling

Last night, NBC premiered a two-and-a-half minute cross-promotion aligning their Universal Studios’ upcoming release of “Mummy 3” with their coverage of the 2008 Olympics in China.

Click here to watch the commercial.

I expect that there will be a backlash from the media and sports communities, as this TV commercial is insulting to Olympic athletes and viewers alike. If you haven’t seen this commercial, you probably won’t understand the vitriol to follow.

NBC may as well have lined up every single 2008 Olympic athlete and systematically spat in their faces. These athletes didn’t ask to be trivialized as poster children to recoup loss on a terrible movie with which they have nothing to do. The ad strips Olympic athletes of their dignity.

From this TV ad, I remember a tasteless quick-cut from a CGI battle scene into stock footage of an actual Olympic boxing match. I also remember a clip of Brendan Frasier shouting something like, “We’re the good guys!” cutting to stock footage of an American runner winning a race.

From a business perspective, this isn’t rocket science and it makes sense. Universal Studios spent a ton of money making “Mummy 3” but it’s going to be a huge flop if it doesn’t get some serious help. So, NBC as the parent company of Universal Studios decides to do some damage control. They decide to take an angle which apparently justifies the aligning of “Mummy” with the 2008 Olympics: They are both filmed in China… that’s it. That is NBC’s angle.

As tasteless as it may be, the business logic behind it makes sense, which makes it that much more tasteless. This is NBC telling us, the American public, just how stupid they think we are:

Barbara Blangiardi, SVP of Strategic Marketing and Content Innovation for NBC, has this to say:
“The shared location of China represented the opportunity to do something special together.”

Wow. Let’s get this straight: NBC overtly trivializes the Olympics, the Olympic athletes and the viewers of the Olympics on the large scale to recoup a few dollars on a bad movie… and they think we’re stupid enough to not notice. The sad thing is that most people really are that stupid. Are you one of them?

Who’s the bad guy, now?

[UPDATE:] This TV spot is just the beginning of NBC’s roll-out marketing campaign aligning “Mummy 3” with The 2008 Olympics in Beijing, China. This ad will be featured in movie theatres, theme parks, airlines and digital displays in 4,700 NYC taxi cabs (a full-third of the NYC taxi fleet)… the list goes on. My prediction is that the most impression intensive period of this campaign will take place during NBC’s coverage of the latter portion of the Olympic trials and the beginning of the 2008 Olympic Games

[SIDENOTE:] I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this ad premiered during NBC’s “America’s Got Talent”, the one program on television which arguably retains the stupidest audience in the country. As evidence, some focus-group preferred the title “America’s Got Talent” over “America Has Talent”, the latter of which, anyone who is not retarded would prefer. Also, does anyone else find it strange that two out of the three judges on “America’s Got Talent” are British? I digress.

New readers: Your opinion is welcomed in the comments.

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Optimum Online (Cablevision): Who’s That Girl?

Most savvy New York media folks are aware of the polarizing effects of the new Optimum Online commercials, from the obnoxious “Reggaeton” ad to the newer creepy “Stepford Wife” spot. No matter how much you hate these ads, like I do, they are setting response records and they have people talking.

With this said, I think everyone is missing the big picture.

Who is the adorable blonde background singer in the new Optimum Online (Cablevision) commercial? I’m talking about the “Stepford Wife” promo, not the “Reggaeton” promo… and I’m talking about the background actress, not the lead girl.

I mean, whatever, it’s no big deal. It’s not like I’m into her or anything. *ahem*

Anyone?

[UPDATE: Mystery solved. She is triple-threat, Lindsey Thomas.]

–Lindsey, babe, call my people. We’ll do lunch. ;)

To quote Joe Rogan:

Wow, I never imagined having a reason to say that. Anyway…

You know the anti-marijuana TV ad they play now where the dog is telling the girl that he doesn’t like it when she smokes weed? Here’s what Joe Rogan has to say about that commercial. I found it to be pretty hilarious.

I ripped the following from Joe Rogan’s blog:

“Hey Lindsey, I wish you didn’t smoke weed.”

“Really? Well I wish you didn’t freak me the fuck out by talking to me with no warning. You know how to talk? How about a heads up first, motherfucker? Why don’t you start off slow, like maybe write me a note or something? How long have you been able to talk? You could talk all this time, and the first words out of your mouth are criticism? How about ‘hey, I’m your dog, and I can talk!’ Wouldn’t that be a better way to start? Right away with the complaints?”

What’s the message here? Don’t smoke weed or your dog will be disappointed in you?
The same dog that I have to yell at every day to keep him from eating shit out of the cat’s litter box? Is that really a deterrent?
I mean, it’s your fucking dog. Even little kids get to yell at the dog. The dog is the bottom of the food chain when it comes to pull around the house. Who give a fuck what he thinks.

Meanwhile, the craziest thing about the video is that after the dog is done talking, the chick just stands there and thinks about what the dog said.
She doesn’t scream, or call her brother over so he can see, or even ask the dog any questions. She just drops her head in shame over her weed smoking.
Whatever that chick is smoking, it ain’t weed, and keep it the fuck away from me.

Bonaduce -vs. Fairplay

I’m not really sure if this is old news or what, but I just got wind of this and I can’t wait to see how it plays out.

There was an altercation between Danny Bonaduce and Johnny Fairplay at some reality TV awards show the other night that I find really interesting, for legal and public opinon reasons. I don’t even really know who Johnny Fairplay is, but he’s someone I recognize from little clips on TV that I don’t really pay attention to, but what I remember of his behavior is precisely the reason I don’t pay attention to that type of thing on TV. I have since learned that he was a contestant on Survivor who pulled a stunt involving the fabrication of a death in the family and consequently won the contest.

Whatever.

This guy, Johnny Fairplay, was on stage at said awards show delivering a monologue and everyone in attendance started booing him. Danny Bonaduce approached him on stage, hijacked the mic and made a fairly in-your-face comment to Johnny. Johnny, apparently now knowing what else to do and attempting to save face, jumped on the `roid-rage-proned Danny Bonaduce and started humping him. Yeah, I’m just as confused as you are. Anyway, watch the video and then I’ll continue.

Watch the video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=b9wK2hFmxT4

It turns out, apparently, that Johhny ended up bloody and requiring extensive dental surgery from this incident. Also, he is filing battery and emotional distress charges against Danny.

I really wish I were Danny Bonaduce’s lawyer right about now. This would be the easiest chunk of change I ever made. Not only would I crush Johnny’s charges against my client, I would file massive countersuits for assault, defamation, sexual harassment, loss of wages and emotional distress. I would take this Johnny guy to the cleaners so badly he wouldn’t have any eyelashes left.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Danny Bonaduce possesses plenty of fecal`esque characteristics as well, but he handled this situation optimally:

With an effortless shrug of his shoulders.

"Daybreak" Shmaybreak

For the past couple weeks, I’ve been looking forward to the series premiere of “Daybreak”, the new series on ABC. It’s about a top-notch-cop (Taye Diggs) who becomes entangled in an international conspiracy while for some reason, unbeknownst to us, he is living the same day over and over again. Only this day is one super shitty day.

Okay, I’m in.

“Daybreak” started with a bang. The writers wasted no time hurling the viewer straight into an action packed sequence that let you know immediately that this is going to be some wicked cool shit.

By the middle of the premiere, a few little bugs had gotten under my skin but I was definitely still enjoying my experience. It was clear that “Daybreak” wasn’t going to break any ground, but would be worth watching none the less.

Until the following happened:

There was a scene where Taye Diggs’ character is trying to explain to his girlfriend that he has been living the same day over and over again. Their conversation went something like this:

Girlfriend: Is everything okay? You look like something’s wrong.

Taye: I’m living the same day over and over.

Girfriend: What?

Taye: I’m living the same day over and over again.

Girlfriend: What?

Taye: This day is happening repeatedly. Over and over again.

Girlfriend: What?

And they went on and on like this for about 30 minutes, no shit. This is where they lost me because if this conversation had happened in the real world, I guaran-fucking-tee you it would have gone something like this:

Girlfriend: Is everything okay? You look like something’s wrong.

Taye: I’m living the same day over and over.

Girfriend: What?

Taye: I’m living the same day over and over again.

Girlfriend: What?

Taye: Damn, bitch! Haven’t you seen “Groundhog Day”?!

I mean, seriously. How funny would that have been? But instead, what they’re telling us is that “Groundhog Day” doesn’t exist in their world.

Yeah. Just for that ,“Daybreak” doesn’t exist in my world.

Subconscious: Your Contract is Under Review

-To: My Subconscious
-Re: Last Night’s Dream

Dear My Subconscious:

You are going too far.

Your latest dream made me very uncomfortable.

I understand that when I am asleep you have a specific purpose in mind when you impose a dream upon me. I understand that this is your own special way of sorting things out and that’s cool, but I really don’t see what you were getting at with your latest contribution.

Why the fuck did you have me spend my entire eight hours of sleep competing against The Cookie Monster for the affection of Mary-Kate Olsen?

I mean, what?

I… I honestly don’t know where to begin to address this.

I don’t care one iota about Mary-Kate Olsen, do I?

If I do, why is The Cookie Monster my main competition?

I’m not getting your hint, Subconscious, please clarify.

In the future, unless your directive is crystal clear, I would appreciate not dreaming about Mary-Kate Olsen or The Cookie Monster, or competing against one for the other.

Thanks in advance,

Your Conscious Counterpart

Girlfriend: Your Contract is Under Review

-To: My Girlfriend
-Re: Your repeated attempts to cuddle while watching Ultimate Fighting Championship

Dear Girlfriend:

Have you ever been to a movie theatre to watch a movie that you were totally excited about, and then the big moment of the movie came and it really hit home with you and you started to cry? Then some jerk two rows back started laughing because he thought that that part of the movie was particularly ridiculous and deserving of his dismissive laughter? Did you feel like he just spat on what was supposed to be a great experience in your life?

Think about that, please.

This letter is intended to serve as a formal notice that it is absolutely not acceptable for you to attempt any sort of cuddling while I am watching Ultimate Fighting Championship. It is expected that from the date of this notice that you will adjust your actions accordingly and that there will be no further incidents.

Thanks in advance, and I look forward to improving our working relationship.

Best regards,

Your Boyfriend