A table of nine players.
Myself and eight others.
All nine players are in my way.
Bicycle Races : Poker Games.
I know that my legs are stronger than anyone else in this race. I know that I’m a better bike handler than anyone else in this race.
Statistically, I should win.
I have $1000 for three (3) races this weekend in which I’ve invested $333.33 per race against complete amateurs.
If I stay safe,pick my spots carefully and race like a seasoned racer — I’ll should win.
If I get too close to the back wheel of an amateur who doesn’t know what they’re doing — I could get my front wheel clipped and crash hard… injured to the point where I can’t continue for the next two races.
It’s best to give up that stage of the race and pick a better spot to win on the next stage or the race — when the ‘wheel-clipper’ is at the back of the peleton. .
I know that I’m better than everyone else in this game. I know that I have more patience than everyone else in this game.
I have $1000 for three (3) games this weekend in which I’ve invested $333.33 per game against idiots.
If I stay safe and play like a seasoned player — I’ll should win.
If I start calling-down an amateur who is trying to prove themselves — I could get my whole stack taken.
It’s best to fold and take advantage of their bravado the next hand.
Interviewer: “What is your greatest weakness?”
Interviewer: “Dignity? I don’t think dignity is a weakness.”
Applicant: “My greatest weakness is that I can’t bring myself to work for a company which hires HR people who would ask such an amateur question in a professional interview.”
Applicant: “I’ll show myself out now.”
I acted in a redditor-made short film a couple weekends ago. It was really fun and it looks like it’s going to turn out great. Here’s the official trailer.
The film is being released on Oct. 24th at HesWatchingYou.com. It’s totally free.
One of the managers at my office is a recent ex-Israeli Military. As such he could snap my head off with his little finger. He speaks basically zero English. He’s a very aggressive guy.
He asked if he could use my computer while I went to lunch. “Of course, no problem.”
I came back from lunch and there was a window opened to a website for Physical Fitness. Like, a ‘find an activity partner’ type of website.
In the interest of making conversation, I asked the guy, “Oh, cool. What kind of activities are you into?”
He responded, “Is bananas!”
Me: “I’m sorry. Say again, please?”
Him: “Is bananas! You know! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Is bananas!”
Me: “Oh, yeah. I totally know. Right on, man.”
I totally don’t know.
UPDATE: I think I just figured it out! Perhaps he was saying that he likes anything which is extreme — like rock climbing, sky diving, etc. He was trying to relay it me with song lyrics because he didn’t know how to say it in English any other way.
People’s brains are awesome.
I should preface this by stating that I’m no stranger to sketchy neighborhoods. It takes a lot to make me jump.
So, I was walking through the South Bronx the other day when I was scared shitless by a sound which made me the think the sky was cracking open or Jesus was coming back or something like that.
Turns out it was some guy test driving a Lamborghini in the industrial zone of The Bronx. He flew right by me at who-knows-what speed and drifted around the next corner. You could still hear the engine after he was very, very far away.
Note to self: Buy a Lamborghini
The officers were exactly right to pull me over and I know it. I was speeding in a 30mph zone on the wrong side of the street while weaving through traffic and I got caught. Hands down. I have no complaints about this. I was breaking the law.
It took the officers about a mile to catch me because of the dense traffic. When they did finally catch me, it was no joke — lights, sirens, megaphone and all.
I pulled over carefully on a side street and laid my bike on the curb and displayed my hands, open palms at my sides.
The driving officer got out of his car, approached me and asked, “Is there a reason you blasted through all of those red lights back there?”
I answered, “Yes, officer. I just didn’t want to stop. I know that I should have stopped and I chose not to. I know the rules and I chose to break them. I know I’m in the wrong here so do whatever you need to do.”
He looked over my bike and noticed that I did not have a bell on it (required in NYC). He asked, “Is there any reason that you do not have a bell on your bike?” I answered, “Yes, officer. My bell is on my other bike and I haven’t swapped it. I know I should have it on this bike. My bad.”
He asked me for my ID. I gave it to him and he went back to his car.
I knew that I was entirely fucked.
The officer came back and said the following: “Listen, man. You really seemed to know what you were doing back there. I’ve really never seen anything like it. But, you were doing over 30mph and weaving through traffic and blowing red lights. I have to ticket you. It’s nothing personal. I’m giving you a ticket for ‘failure to have a bell’ and for ‘failure to stay to the right (weaving and riding in the oncoming lane)’. I’m not going to ticket you for speeding or for running all the red lights, okay? Be safe.”
Point of the story: Cops can be really, really cool to cyclists, sometimes.
For the record, and before anyone blasts me for my cavalier riding — This is a route I have ridden thousands of times and I knowexactly how to read the traffic. That said, laws are laws. If you choose to break the laws, man up, take your tickets and thank the officers.
Also, go to court and tell the judge what you think about the bicycle laws in your area. I have a few things in mind which I’ll suggest to the judge.